“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” ~ Maya Angelou A National Tragedy
Its Personal Teachings My friends, Some of you knew me back in the day when I was teaching English. And, you may even remember that I spent part of my 20’s in Colorado teaching and coaching. When I moved back to Michigan in 2000, I simplified how I talked about the Colorado years. I loved living in Golden. The sunshine! The easy access to the mountains! The phenomenal staff I worked with at Lakewood High School and the deep friendships that were forged. The opportunity to coach both high school and college diving. Yes, I loved teaching in the International Baccalaureate (IB) program. Yes, I miss the mountains. 🏔️ All entirely true. But, not the story in its entirety. Much to my astonishment, the salary for a high school diving coach in Jefferson County Public Schools in the mid - late 1990’s was $200. For the entire season. 6:00 AM practices, after school practices, all day Saturday swim meets, the longest of any athletic season . . . $200. I used to joke that by time I bought my own team t-shirt and splurged for pizzas to feed my divers after a practice, I was already losing money for my efforts. 🤣 One of my attempts to bolster my earnings was to coach for multiple high schools.. Most of the schools did not have their own pools, so several of the Jefferson County High Schools (there were 16 or 17 in the district at the time?) practiced at community pools. And, because there aren’t tons of people who come out for diving, I was able to coach for three different high schools at the same time. Yes, it did make it challenging to know which team t-shirt to wear at the meets, but this way . . . all three of these schools had a coach, and I tripled my income. 😀 Tuesday, April 20, 1999 started out like any other busy teaching day. And at first, the reports of something going wrong at nearby Columbine High School (11 miles down the road) didn’t seem very significant. And then, bit by bit, moment by horrible moment, the tragedy unfolded. The uncertainty. The disbelief. The fear. The anguish. The suffering. The shock. The helplessness. It nearly swallowed me whole. But what about all the people impacted in far worse ways? I didn’t see the shooters. Nor hear the gunshots. Nor smell the smoke or see the bloodshed. I didn’t have to try and save my students nor crouch in fear. The news coverage was relentless. I needed to stop watching but couldn’t look away. All of my divers were physically unharmed. Swimmers too. My friend and colleague who could. not. breathe finally heard from her husband. He was safe. He had both shooters in his class. 12 students. 1 teacher. Both shooters. Dead. 24 more physically injured. The deadliest school massacre on record at the time. Thousands of lives forever changed. Wednesday, April 21, 1999 was a stunningly beautiful Colorado spring day. The brightest blue sky. Warm sun. It all felt so cruel. School was canceled. How to pass the day? Watch more of it on television? Gather together in grief? Thursday, April 22, 1999, back to school. But . . .how? When an individual, or a family, in a school community suffers a tremendous loss, that loss impacts the entire building. But what do you do when every single person throughout the community is reeling from the same gigantic loss? How do you help one another when you are all in shock? 1st period. Pre-IB English. My students come to Lakewood from throughout the district. All have multiple direct connections to Columbine. I push our desks aside. We sit in a circle. My students look at me with so much pain, and so many questions, through tear-filled eyes. They begin to share. We pass the tissues around and around. I have no answers. I am 29 years old. The remainder of that school year is a blur. Every day, every moment, I tried to soothe and support my students. I tried to uplift those around me. I did not recognize, or attend to, my own pain. Why? Because so many people were far more impacted. They are the ones who need / deserve the love, the care, the help, the support. (Read, I did not feel worthy, or deserving, of love, care, and support.) So, after the next school year, when I moved back to Michigan, I left my Columbine High School Swimming and Diving shirt behind. Somehow, I thought I could magically leave behind the pain as well. It has taken me these 25 years to process thoroughly enough to write to you today. Here’s what I now know:
Thank you for being a source of light. ~ m 🦋 P.S. Speaking of LIGHT | Save the date for THE Summer Solstice event. Gentle yoga & soothing sound bath along Lake Michigan. ☀️🙏🏽 Thursday, June 20 | Oval Beach | Stay tuned for more details
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“It is better to strive in one’s own genuine truth than to succeed in the truth of another. Nothing is ever lost in following one’s own genuine truth.” ~ Bhagavad Gita Pathway Forward
Peace for All Hello! Well, I have to say, I love the energy that emerges with spring. Nothing like some blue sky days and warmer temperatures to brighten up all of our moods. And, when Javi actually settled on my lap long enough so I could read on our front porch? The BEST! Speaking of reading, I have my typical stack going, but the one I am smitten with at the moment (and savoring) is Walking Each Other Home by Ram Dass and Mirabai Bush. (Thank you, Rhoda, for the wonderful recommendation.) The book is a gorgeous conversation about aging, loving, dying, and living as our highest self. Even though I am still reading, I am already exploring the learning, the shifts, it is gifting me. There’s something so powerful about its message of love. It certainly is inspiring me to further soften into my true self, rather than cling to any of the masks that I wear. This pathway of yoga, this practice that we do, it is paramount to developing peace. Peace within ourselves, for ourself, and peace with all around us. I do not process my learning very quickly. It takes me real time. So, today I’m going to sign off, get back out on that porch, and nestle in. Because . . . the sun is still shining And maybe, just maybe, I’ll get that first glimpse of a hummingbird! What have you read that inspired or shifted you? I’d love to know! ~ m 🦋 
“If you must look back, do so forgivingly. If you must look forward, do so prayerfully. However, the wisest thing you can do is be present in the present . . . gratefully.” ~ Maya Angelou Add Light ✨
Not fuel Hi friends! Real talk. There have been some additional stressors in my life lately, and I have to tell you . . . I’ve been feeling a little more volatile than usual; I don’t love it. The impact of the stress is showing up in myriad ways. I’m a little less patient. A bit more cynical or defensive. A tad more withdrawn. A lot more depleted. It’s not easy when we feel less than our best. And, it’s tempting to push aside any and all negativity. Who wants to dwell in the dark stuff? While I am not one for stewing or becoming stagnant, I also try not to fear my own shadows. It’s not necessarily easy, nor comfortable, to look at our own shortcomings. However, it IS instructive to examine our own behaviors, our own thoughts, and our own patterns. How else do we learn? Let alone shift, grow, and evolve? Once we allow ourselves to recognize, and acknowledge, our own shortcomings, it seems to soften all the edges. It’s okay to sit with a new understanding of ourselves. When we try and deny who we are, and how we are interacting or engaging, I feel that our denial fuels our circumstances. And here’s the thing. Rather than adding fuel to a situation? I want to be a source of light. ✨ Okay. I was impatient. Now what?
It’s important for us to settle into presence so we can shift gears. When we can find stillness, we can soften our edges and more clearly hear our highest, best self that is always within. I don’t want to deepen the groove of my own pattern that reacts impatiently. I want to move that needle towards something better. Thankfully, it’s possible to do so! And guess what? I’m the only one who can do it for myself. How empowering! 💪🏽 Take another look at the Maya Angelou quotation up above. 👀 And remember, use soft eyes for your internal gaze. Offer yourself the kindness and compassion you would extend to loved ones. Shortcomings are not something to ignore. Instead, soften and shift. 🚀 We can do this; we’re worth it! ✨Thanks for bringing the light ✨ ~ m 🦋 P.S. Last summer so many of you came out to hear Mike’s band at Music in the Park. It was SO MUCH FUN! This summer, his band will be playing at Red Dock on Sunday, July 14. Save the date, and I hope to see you there! 
“The blessing is first for ourself and then is more readily offered to others.” ~ Guru Jagat Heal As One
Rise As One Hi beauties! It’s already April. Mercury has gone retrograde. Our total solar eclipse is happening in just a few days. Yep, there’s a lot going on. And when life seems extra busy, or turbulent, I am especially thankful for all the ways yoga supports me in my daily life.
No matter the pace, I love being on the mat. However, my yoga is practiced far more frequently off the mat. One of my favorite ways yoga supports me is through mantra. Mantra is great because it is so multi-faceted and such a profoundly healing practice. Mantra can be:
You can use mantra almost any time, any where. You can use it in repetition with your favorite mala. You can listen to a beautiful recorded version. You can sing aloud and share, or you can have it barely noticeable in the background. There are many different mantras I use to support myself, and I have a particular fondness for Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu. While it is not a traditional Vedic mantra, it is a Sanskrit sloka (prayer) that has been used for centuries. A more full translation for the mantra is: May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all. I love that this mantra is a pledge of love for ourselves, and that it expands to all humanity beyond. We are all interconnected, and using this mantra reminds us to look outside of our egoic self in order to be a positive force for all creation. Whatever blessings I wish for myself, I wish for ALL others. When we offer ourselves compassion, kindness, and forgiveness, perhaps we are more able to readily extend this to others. If we can further our understanding of the impact we have on others, then we can foster greater compassion and create more global kindness. When we recognize we are not alone, and we are no different, then love naturally arises. May all beings transcend suffering May all beings experience great healing May all beings realize the truth within their heart and be set free May we heal as one May we rise as one Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu ♥️, m P.S. There are loads of recorded versions of this mantra! Not sure where to start? I’ve got you. ☺️ Try any of these:
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AuthorMichelle Shaw: Archives
August 2024
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