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Closure . . . is that really a thing?

5/25/2023

Time To Kick-Start Summer!

Memorial Day weekend is here, and for those of us in the charming villages of Saugatuck & Douglas, it’s the unofficial start to summer season . . . signifying all sorts of shifts.

My outdoor teaching kicked off this week in the most glorious of ways: a private on the lower deck at Lake Shore Resort. Full sun, bright blue sky, birds singing, Lake Michigan super calm, like glass, and four amazing humans. Yes, please.

You’ll find sign-up links for two special offerings in June at the bottom of this letter. I hope you can join me! 🥰

“If you are seeking a time when you will be finished,
you will never be done”
~ Tibetan Saying

Words Worth Examining | Chapter 2
Closure

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the word “resilience;” thank you for the many follow up conversations around this. Whenever I have the opportunity to listen to you, and hear your experiences, I learn and grow. 🫶🏽

Over the last couple of weeks, I have also been thinking about the word “closure.”

I used to think that’s what I wanted / needed / was striving for when experiencing grief.

Closure sounds so definitive and complete. And frankly, whenever I’m grieving, the thought of putting it all behind me sounds pretty darned good. Yes, I would like to close that door, thank you very much.

Now I understand it doesn’t work that way. At least for me.

Four years ago, Mike and I were heading home from Traverse City. We had gone North for a few days of his spring break. On the drive home, while waiting to pull out of a gas station, we were nearly hit by a van speeding completely out of control.

Thankfully, I had a second to step on the gas and swerve out of the way. We were unharmed. But, the driver of the van was not so fortunate.

Just beyond the gas station, he smashed head on into a giant pole.

The driver was a paraplegic who was suffering from a seizure. The van was at full throttle at the time of the crash.

Because of our proximity, we were the first responders on the scene.

While I have a very clear memory of the challenging things that happened next, the harrowing details are not particularly relevant here.

After the driver was airlifted and the area was cleared, Mike and I got back into our car. This time as we were about to pull out, one of the sheriffs came to our window and asked, “Who was driving this car at the time of the accident? I told him I was. He said, “Well, you’re lucky. If the van had hit you, he (looking at Mike) might have survived. You most certainly would not have.”

Then, with kind eyes, he looked at me again: “And, you were the first one to be with the driver?” I nodded.

“Are you in a profession where you’re used to dealing with this kind of trauma?” I half chuckled and told him that I taught yoga.

I’ll never forget what he did next. The Sheriff looked at me and said, “You did a lot here today.. And, while you might feel okay right now, that’s most likely the adrenalin.” He asked how far of a drive we had left. (Almost two hours.) Then, he looked at Mike behind the wheel and said, “You may want to stop in the next 45 minutes or an hour. Take a break. Get something to eat. Breathe for a bit. As the adrenalin wears off, she may not feel so great. She might even be nauseous.”

His trauma-informed approach and his compassion surprised me.

We took his advice. The stop, and the food, and the time out of the car? They helped. So did telling the whole story to some of my close friends over the next week or two.

After a few nights back at home, my sleep returned to normal.

I felt good about all the healing work I did around this accident.
Yep, I thought I had arrived at “closure.”

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago . . . more than four years after this accident. I’m relaxing and watching a fairly l0wbrow t.v. show on my own. Suddenly, there’s a car accident scene with a few details eerily similar to my experience. Instantly, I’m right back in that gas station parking lot. I’m cold, and shaky, and teary. Completely out of sorts and re-living the whole darned moment in my body and my being.

So much for closure.

In truth, this wasn’t my first “failed” attempt at closure. I now see grief, and pain, and trauma as more circular. Sometimes that circle moves in really close, and other times it’s cycling further away. But, it doesn’t magically close, or end, or get left behind.

I truly wish we had better ways to discuss and support grief. I know that grieving doesn’t follow a prescribed timeline, nor is it really linear at all. As much as I wish it could be true that each day could be a little better, this, most likely, is not reality.

One way to think of dealing with grief is understanding it to be more of a reconciliation . . . figuring out how to be with the grief. Reconciliation does not reward speed. It does not offer a neat and tidy resolution. Instead, it asks us to be with our grief and find ways to express it. Bottling it up? Ignoring it? None of that is going to work.

With reconciliation comes the opportunity to continue moving forward. Altered by our grief? Yes. Crippled by it? Not in the long term. As we integrate, and heal, the intensity of grief lessens. Or, at least the pangs will become less frequent.

At first, my t.v. watching moment seemed like a cruel twist of fate. Mike was at a gig, I was wanting to relax, and instead this sneak attack of stored trauma was unleashed. Then, I opened myself up. I allowed myself the opportunity to be present with that pain, so that I could further release and continue moving forward.

Honestly? I didn’t know I needed that cathartic moment, and I’m sure thankful for it.

Even though I wish we had better ways to talk about grief and help one another through it, I’m grateful for all the tools in my kit that help me find presence and regulate my own nervous system.

Next week, I can’t wait to share some super helpful techniques we can all use to help us “shift and lift.”

Until then, big love ♥️

~ m

P.S. Counting down the days until Theresa Gray’s arrival and grateful for the images of her beautiful paintings at the top!

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Presence + Impermanence

5/18/2023

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Spring is in full bloom

What a stunning time of year in Michigan. After months of winter, spring has finally burst into bloom!

Every day is a new feast for the senses: the pungent smell of lilacs, the sound of new bird songs, the thrill of seeing trees leafed out, the taste of ramps and asparagus, the feel of the earth as we plant new seeds . . . the vibrancy all around is revitalizing!

“Understanding yourself is power.
Loving yourself is freedom.
Forgiving yourself is peace.
Being yourself is bliss.”
~ ConsciousReminder.com

Living in a state of flow
Okay. So . . . maybe it’s all the new windows that just got installed in our old house? (It’s a bit shocking how clearly I can see out now! 😉) Or, the fact that our dear neighbors recently returned from Palm Springs? (Seriously, you two. We want you to carve out more time in Michigan! 🥰) Or, simply that I’ve added multiple puppy walks, allowing me to slowly stroll and look around, into my daily routine? (Thank you, Javier! 🐶)

No matter the explanation, May seems extra beautiful and festive to me!

Restaurants are re-opening, art exhibitions are happening, more people are at the yoga studio, and folks around town have an extra smile and a bounce in their step. I love the increased vitality.

Along with the additional energy and enhanced beauty, I have noticed a bit of strain coming into my being. Of course, I wanted to dig into the reason(s) behind that.

Through my gentle internal investigation, here’s what I’ve come up with so far: I have some challenges in my relationship to time. I could say lots about this, but let’s just say I am gaining a better understanding of how I respond to busyness.

You see, I really love to live my life in flow. And, for me, moving in flow means my life has a sense of harmony and clarity. My energy is available to meet the moment. I connect to people around me from a place of presence.

Living this way, showing up this way, is important for me. I value, and I actively prioritize, being in this state of flow.

The word “flow” embodies a natural sense of movement. Everything has its moment where it surfaces, and nothing gets stuck. Watching spring unfold is a gorgeous representation of this impermanence. Just as I start to mourn the fading of the lilacs, I look across the driveway to see my irises about to burst into bloom and notice that my peonies have so many buds!

Asparagus never lasts long enough, but then there’s the first pint of Michigan strawberries that pops onto the shelf. My favorite bed of trilliums, and the street corner bursting with poppies . . . they are gone too quickly.

Nothing is permanent.

It’s nice to know this also applies to moments of challenge, stress, and difficulty.

When I notice my own edges of tension, or strain, or fatigue, I want to acknowledge them. Respect them. Allow them to reveal to me what I need to know, what I might need to shift, so that I can move through and shift back into flow.

The joyous wonderful moments, and the dark, difficult ones . . . none of it lasts.

Here’s to being present, so that we can be in flow with whatever is blooming, whatever is surfacing, in the moment.

I hope spring finds you feeling good and moving in flow.

Big love,

~ m

P.S THANK YOU to Theresa Gray for the gorgeous images above. These are just a small sample of the stunning paintings she creates, and I can’t wait to see her most recent work in person next month!

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Congratulations & Examination

5/11/2023

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Congratulations, Dr. Lauren!!

Last Friday, we got to celebrate my niece’s HUGE accomplishment. I am SO impressed she did it, and I could not be more proud.

Seven years of Pharmacy School are challenging enough without the additional stress and complications of a global pandemic.

Here’s to Dr. Lauren, and all the graduates we are celebrating this season!

“I can be changed by what happens to me.
But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
~ Maya Angelou

Popular Words Worth Examining | Chapter 1
Resilience

Last week at Lauren’s graduation, I heard a lot about “resilience.” And, it’s true. Her class did demonstrate “the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.” (Oxford Language Dictionary)

Doing labs, attending classes, passing exams throughout COVID? That certainly required resilience; I admire and respect her entire graduating class.

Resiliency is something we all need because life asks a lot from us. But, what exactly is resilience? Even though it has been studied, the complexity of resiliency is not fully understood. There are arguments that it is a trait, but even stronger arguments that it is a skill. Meaning, we can increase our ability to be resilient.

And that’s a good thing. Because if we are faced with trauma in our lives, we want to have the skills to surmount the situation rather than succumb to it.

Even if we manage to live a life free of Trauma, we are guaranteed to face adversity. I don’t know anyone who lives a stress-free life, and resilience is one of the components that helps us get through the tough stuff.

Why, or how, does resilience help? Resiliency helps us frame the trauma, or the adversity, or the stress, in a way that we can better manage. Yep, turns out the way we frame the situation in our mind, the narrative we build around it, has an impact on how we respond.

There’s the actual adversity, and then there’s the way we process it, integrate it, move through it . . . or not. (It’s true, we can also become less resilient. 😟)

There is a growing body of research demonstrating we can be taught a set of skills to regulate our emotional responses, and that this new mindset lasts over time. Yes, please.

Three proven ways to effectively grow our resiliency?
We change how we talk to ourselves! You know, that seemingly ceaseless voice chattering on and on inside our heads.

According to University of Pennsylvania psychologist Martin Seligman, we shift our explanatory style:

from internal to external (i.e., that bad event is not my fault)
from global to specific (i.e., this is one small blip, not an indication that everything in my life is falling apart)
from permanent to ephemeral (i.e,, I can change the situation; it is not fixed)

I like these tools, and I am adding them into my toolkit. Like all of us, I am a work in progress. I hope I am discerning enough to know the difference between being present in my pain . . . versus ruminating, and getting stuck there.

Honestly? I wish we lived in a world that necessitated less resiliency, because I wish life wasn’t so tough. However, this is the world we live in, and I want every single one of us to thrive.

Love to all,

~ m ♥️

P.S. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to my Mom (featured in the photo at the top) and to all who serve and nurture as Moms! We love you, and celebrate you, and thank you 🙏🏽

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Love Letter

5/4/2023

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“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.”
~ rupi kaur

Hello, my friends!

Thank you. 🫶🏽

Thank you for being here. For showing up for yourself in this way. For supporting your desire to breathe, and pause, and lead with love.

And thank you for being part of this community. You are a thread that helps lift me up, and I am so grateful for the buoyancy.

I am deeply humbled by the responses to my question last week: Why do you read these newsletters? Your answers were incredibly thoughtful and heartfelt. (Seriously, you blow me away!) I read and appreciate every single word; I'm delighted that I got to speak to a few of you in person.

While I am still integrating your answers, your input is already carving new pathways forward. Of course, I am open to your feedback at any time. All responses are welcome, so keep them coming.

Another note of thanks: I am excited by your HUGE interest in the Gratitude Gathering on Friday, June 9. What a beautiful collection of souls already signed up! Reminder, this mini-luxury-immersion is happening at "The Hook" starting at 7 PM. We'll breathe, and meditate. We'll enjoy chanting and immerse ourselves in a sound bath. Then, we'll have dessert and a beverage.

Events here always sell out quickly and space is limited; I encourage you to sign up today. Registration is simple. Start by scrolling down Satya's Events page to the Breathwork, Meditation & Chanting section.

In closing, I want to draw your attention back to both of the quotations at the top. ☝🏽

Here's a simple, powerful breath practice to open up your heart and ignite self-love:

♥️ Find a comfortable seat and an elegant spine;
🧡 Hold your right palm, facing down, six to nine inches above your head, blessing yourself;
💛 Bend your left arm, allowing your elbow to gently rest along your left side;
💚 Your left palm is open and facing forward at approximately shoulder height, blessing the world;
💙 Gently close your eyes, and direct your internal vision towards the center of your chin.
💜 Find long, deep, even breaths. Try and extend both the inhale and the exhale to a count of 8, 10, or 20 . . . depending on how your lungs are feeling.
🤍 Continue for 3 - 11 minutes and enjoy the afterglow of 💗❣️

Try gifting yourself this practice 3, or 5, or 7 days in a row, and I'll see you right here again next week.

Big love,

~ m ♥️

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Closure . . . is that really a thing?

Time To Kick-Start Summer!

Words Worth Examining | Chapter 2
Closure

Presence + Impermanence

Congratulations & Examination

Love Letter

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Michelle Shaw Yoga

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Time To Kick-Start Summer!

Words Worth Examining | Chapter 2​Closure

Author

Archives

Words Worth Examining | Chapter 2
Closure